?

Log in

My personal favorites::

1. Weed, because quite frankly-you just can't go wrong with Mary Jane.
its cheap, its safe-its easy to come by. And I don't have to worry about an overdose, a hangover, a panic attack, an addiction or a comedown.
Just a mild case of the munchies. :) Gotta love it.

2. Any and all phycadelics- salvia paodi, acid, high quantities of MDMA. Everything about them is appealing to me. I looove acid, so much!
Just the very thought of seeing sounds and hearing smells gets me all excited. Acid is joy, to say the very least. The only downer, in my opinion- is when you have a bad trip-you can't stop it. When I'm high on hallusingents I have no perception what so ever of whats real and whats not. And sometimes that can be really scary. The first time I did it can deffinitely be considered a bad trip. I was at home-alone; (you can see the problem already- d o n ' t do it alone!) and I was in the kitchen when the high hit me. I had a tiled floor in that apartment and I was so drawn to the ground, I couldn't stop staring. In each and every tile of my floor- I saw a bad memory from my life in the past: (and i've had some pretty fucked up shit happen to me) anyway; it was playing like a movie. In every tile; I relived a traumatizing experiance like it was happening all over again. I hated it. But the bright side is I haven't had a trip like that sense; and god do I ever hope it never happens again.

3. Ecstasy :: The love drug, is just simply that. The love drug. And I love it. :)
Some of my best highs came off of these pills. I especially love when it fucks with my vision and makes everything I see shake.
Although its never really made me horny. It really just makes me social.

4. Cocaine : I love that mellowed out feeling; just sitting with my friends, talking about nothing all night. Can't beat that.

5. Real honey oil. -self explanatory. Its such a happy natural high.

6. Hash,whenever I go to get a new tattoo or piercing, I make sure I smoke alot of hash before and after. It just. numbs me.

7. Meth : Its not my drug of choice, but I like how it makes the time fly by. Its the best rave drug in my opinion.

As for prescription drugs, their really not my bag. As a matter of fact I think their complete bullshit.
Im not putting down on anyone who's into that sort of stuff, it really just doesn't do it for me.
But whatever floats your goat..

As for crack-never again, its just a tease.

Heroin? Never, I'll never put my hands on a needle drug.

I've done a bunch of shit I'm not to proud of. But I'm not getting into that-this is just a list of my personal favorites,
Sooo, add me as a friend if you share a comment interest. 

Yours truly-K. <3

This will all fall down, like everything else that was;
This too shall pass and all of the words we said-
We can't take back.

[[Now every fool in town would've left by now;]]
I can't replace all the wasted days,
The memory of your face, I can't help thinkin'

Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together where would we be?
A thousand lost forevers and the promises you could never keep.
Here's what I'm thinking::

It won't be the first heart that you break.
It won't be the last beautiful girl.
The one that you wrecked won't take you back;
It won't be the last beautiful girl in the world/

So tell me one more time:
[[How you're sorry about the way this all went down.]]
You needed to find your space/
You needed to still be friends.
You needed me to;
Call you if I ever couldn't keep it all together you'd comfort me; you'd come for me.
Tell me but forever and the promises I never should have believed in.
Here's what I'm thinking::

It won't be the first heart that you break
It won't be the last beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked, won't take you back
It won't the last beautiful girl in the world

Last beautiful girl

It's over now and I've gone without
[[I'll be everyone else's girl.]]
It seems to me ; from now on I'll always be
everyone else's girl

This will all fall down
Like everything in the world
This too must end
And all of the words we said
We can't take back
..
`edited.

Yours ever so truly; -K.
Why is it; whenever I get up the courage to leave you "for good", I find myself falling back into your arms less than a week later?
I hate you! I hate you so much sometimes. But no matter how bad you fuck up, I come running back to you.
I don't know why, I wish I did, because then maybe, I could call it quits for good this time.
All I want is to better myself, I don't want to live the way I live anymore. But I feel like I can't do that with you around.
But I feel like I can't do it without you too.
You have no idea how much it stresses me.
God knows I would love to bring you along for the ride, but fuck I can't carry you the whole way.
I’ve pushed you and pushed you-but nothing gets you motivated.
I know you could be a better person. I see so much potential in you, and us.
But you're just too goddamn content settling for a lifestyle that barely counts as mediocre.
Well I'm not!
I can't do that!
I can't end up like that! I'd rather die. Honestly I would. I can't end up like my Mother.
I can't end up like YOUR Mother.
I refuse to be another fucking welfare case, just barely getting by.
It just pisses me off to think that for the past two years I've done my damnest to better you, to try and make things as perfect as they can be for us. And for what? Nothing.
FUCK I CAN'T DO IT ON MY OWN!

Is it really so much to ask that you atleast attempt to get a job?
Get back in school.
At least tryyy, for you! For us! And all I wanted us to be.

I guess so, because "you're still a kid, and I'm just being a bitch."
Well fuck you! I tried being nice about it, with little to no response.
Straighten up and fly right you fuck!
Do you realize where we would end up if I let things continue on the way their going.?
We'd be nothing.
We'd HAVE nothing.

I just can't do it. I won't settle and I shouldn't have too.
After all I did for you, you put so much on me. I can't take it.

For fucks sake I can't even afford you anymore.
I bought you everything; I supported your fucking drug habit for two years.
I fed you.
I gave you a place to sleep!
I bought you your clothes, and everything you needed. Almost everything you wanted. Jesus Christ I wish I was being reimbursed for that.

And you still make me feel as if its just not good enough.
You don't appreciate me. You never did.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING SHITTY THAT FEELS?
TO KNOW THAT NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, WHAT YOU DO IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH!?

Its hell!

God knows I'll miss you; I really wish you would of taken me seriously. And I really wish this would work.
But I miss being happy. I miss my friends. I miss my smile.
So its time to cut my losses.
And better myself.
I need change and its just not happening with you.

And I will not end up some fucking coked out bitch whoring herself from day to day to put food in your mouth.
I have big plans and big aspirations. And I feel that I could really make it if I try.
You watch, I'll prove your wrong;
I'll get my P.H.D.
I'll have my own in-home psychiatry practice.
And I'll have my house, my 3 dogs. My kids.
And most importantly, I. Will. Be. Happy.

Call me when you're different

Firstly, I would like to extend my deepest apologies to my “avid readers” - I haven’t managed to keep up with this journal quite as strictly as I would of liked too, but I promise I’ll work on that. The reason for this is; not much has happened recently.

Some summer.

I’ve been spending an abundance of time with the family and such, I actually made a trip out to the beach just last week. Don’t laugh you bastards, I know I know- Me? Beach? It brings the lol.

Hmm, what else have I done. Ahh, not much, went to the camp ground.

Drank a whole 26er of fireball to myself! And I’m damn proud of it seeing as I’m a bitch drinker now a’days. Hardcore lightweight. 
On the upside I’ve been stoned every single day since school let out. 
Oh oh! And my birthday is coming up, I’m excited. Very excited. 
That means presents, ie. (Lamb Of God in TO. Aug. 25th) AND a car!
Not to mention the HUUUUGE ass bash that’s goin` down on the first, all in honor of; that’s right ME! So don’t worry I’ll have stories to tell! Boy will I ever.

On the other hand; I’m stressed. I need a goddamn job-but seems to me their not commin` to easy. I’ll figure it out, I always do. ;)

Other then that I can’t complain.
(Haha, you didn’t think I was honestly going to let up that easy did you?)
Of coarse I can fuckin` complain!
I can always complain!

So this one goes out to you;
Miss Cicely Jacobs, you native whore!
The only harsh to my mellow today;

I demand she change her facebook details about MY boyfriend Brien.

Why? You may ask; well I’ll let you figure that out for yourself; he’s listed as this:: 

Name:

 

Cec J.

Network:

 

Wallaceburg District Secondary School '08

Details:

You hooked up in 2005 and it was a nightmare ^.^.

You dated from 2005 to 2006, got a little serious, and then broke up but you still get along great.

You met randomly in 2004: thought his friend was HOTT, my friend thought he was HOTT, she dated him, she got tooken away, then it was me & him.. got knocked up, lost it and moved on!!

.. he still wants me though*HAHA!

You went to high school with Cec.

 

[ edit details ]

 

 

Status:

Cec is HUNGRY!!

Updates:

Interests

 

Profile updated on Tuesday

 

 

Now, if you don’t see a problem with that you are most definitely one of the following:

A. A blatant fuckin` MORON!
B. Severely mentally retarded.
Or C. Miss or under informed.

Let me elaborate.

This broad Cec, is one of those bitches that’s “pregnant” every other fuckin` day.
I’ve never met her, and personally I don’t care to meet her. She is not someone I would associate with, and that’s saying something because the people I deal with aren’t generally considered outstanding citizens, anyway. The whole “Brien got her knocked up” bullshit, is just that-BULLSHIT!
And to think this little cunt had the nerve to post these blatant lies on facebook! 
Where any dipshit with a computer can read them!
Fucking bitch, you’re goddamn right I gave her a piece of my mind!
And to end it all with; “but he still wants me”-like fuck you little tramp!
Nothing wants you.
Jesus doesn’t even want you.
You are a waste of flesh.

Fuuuuuck I’m livid. Honestly.
And I have a right to be.

But of coarse the love of my life doesn’t give a fuck either, that’s what really gets me.
He swears up and down that shit isn’t true but refuses to do anything to clear his name when it comes to this. Of coarse, its just like him. He doesn’t give a fuck. Well I do and it hurts that he doesn’t.

Fuckin` fuck!

Her status says she’s hungry; maybe I’ll take a trip out to her “rez” and feed her her fucking heart someday.

Yours truly-K.,


The Beginning;.

Soo, this is livejournal. And I guess this is my blog.
Don't expect some heart-felt bullshit from me first hand, I'm not writing my life story tonight, its 1 o'clock in the fucking morning. 
But give me time, and rest assured you'll hear a hell of alot more out of me.

Now, I suppose an explanation is in order- the question. ohh 'the question'. Why, are we here? Ha. Had you goin` didn't I? I'm not touchin` that one.  ever. The real question is; why did I start livejournal? And to elaborate- well, its simple you see.

I. am a teenager.
I have emotions.
-despite that of popular belief

And my life; being the emotional rollarcoaster that it is; makes for good reading. But don't read too much into that, I didn't do this for you. I don't like you that much. And I really don't aim to please anyone anymore.
Besides that; when I was actually seeing a shrink (forever ago) she suggested that I write my feelings down. To vent and such.
Come to think of it; I could make good money off this shit in the near future, some pretty messed up stuff has happened to me lately.
I'm thinkin` book deal? Movie promo? Who knows. For now I'll stick to basics. I never like to think that far ahead when it comes to life anyway; its depressing, and reminds me of how much I fucked up.

Ahh there I go, drifting off topic again. You'll find I do that alot. Its the pot. Fuck I can hardly remember what happened yesterday.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Oh shit. Lost it again.

-Owell. I'll write more later, 


Yours, ever so truly- signed. : K.